I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
