I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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