Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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