He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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