it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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