Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
