There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
