I think I am morally bankrupt
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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