My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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