she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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