u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
