I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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