she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
