mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize