we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
