What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
