Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
