Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
