2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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