this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
