What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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