I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
