Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she peed on how many people?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
