Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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