Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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