drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
