There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
