I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
