New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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