How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
