Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
