So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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