they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize