You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
