I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
