I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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