9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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