I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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