she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize