I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
