She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
