I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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