in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
