fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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