I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
