I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
