hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
