um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
