There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
