I wanna passion pit in your ass
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
