This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
