Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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