Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
