My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
