i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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