he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize