your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
