went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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