do herpes really smell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
