I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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