just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
