I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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