I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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