I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
