ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
