Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
