dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
