Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize