Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
