i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
