you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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