We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
