I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
