just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
