in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
