***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
