After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
